Sex and Intimacy

It is common for people with cancer to experience changes in sexual intimacy as a result of their cancer or treatment. The desire for sexual intimacy is affected by emotions and, conversely, changes to sex life can have an emotional impact. Common problems are:
- Changes in sex drive caused by the emotional impact of cancer, the side-effects of certain treatments, changes in body image or worries that sex will hurt
- Changes in sexual organs, e.g. some women can find sex painful and some men may find it difficult to sustain an erection due to treatment
- A fear of intimacy due to worry about body appearance, hair-loss and feeling less attractive
- The onset of menopausal symptoms for some women after certain treatments, which affects sex drive
- Changes in a relationship caused as one person becomes more of a ‘carer’ and the other more ‘cared for’
You can read about Mike’s and Lana's experiences of the impact of cancer on their sex life:

Mike’s story
‘With me, I had the operation, I’ve got the colostomy bag, and I had to deal with incontinence. It puts you off sex, if I’m being honest. You’re in a dark corner. I’ve got a wife and daughter, and suddenly I’m in a dark corner and I’ve got to make sure I don’t wet myself. It’s a difficult situation to deal with. You just keep thinking you’re useless to your partner.’
Lana’s story
‘My body looked different and I felt different. I found sex painful and lost interest in it. It was just another part of my life that I enjoyed before but now couldn't. A friend persuaded me to speak to my nurse about it. I was really nervous, but they were able to suggest many things that might help me. The main thing though was to not try and hide it from my partner. We now talk about it and can begin working out what works best for both of us.’

There are various things you can do to help with sexual problems:
- Share with your partner. Talk to them about how you are feeling, your worries and concerns.
- Find other ways to connect physically, such as cuddling, hugging and massaging.
- Talk to your GP or other health provider. There are sex-specialists who could help. For example, if you’re a woman experiencing vaginal dryness, you could talk to your GP or your gynaecologist.
- If body image is an issue, try to be kind to yourself. Remind yourself what you have been through and how strong your body is.
- If you are experiencing difficulties with erection talk to your GP or other health provider or you can find advice here: Erectile dysfunction, Macmillan Cancer Support
- If you have concerns about early menopause and how to help with this you could look at Managing menopausal symptoms after cancer treatment | Macmillan Cancer Support.
- General suggestions for how to manage common sexual side effects of cancer and treatment can be found here: Sex and side effects of cancer treatment | Macmillan Cancer Support.