×

QUICK LINKS

Welcome to
CAN-EMPOWER
Need immediate
help
Just diagnosed Help for family
and friends
Find local
support
SITE MAP
☰ QUICK LINKS

Thoughts and Feelings

Joanna’s story 2024

Living with cancer can be difficult. There are many thoughts and feelings you may experience from the moment you go for tests, through diagnosis and treatment, to when then your treatment ends. Thoughts are words or pictures we create in our minds, which may be about the future or memories of past events. Feelings are our moods, emotions and the physical sensations that often accompany thoughts.

You may feel there is pressure on you to be "brave", "strong", or to show the world you are determined to "fight". Or you may have been told it is important you "stay positive". Not everyone finds these words, or this pressure, helpful. Tricky, painful feelings such as sadness, worry or anxiety are felt by many people as they experience cancer. They are a completely understandable reaction to a threatening situation. These feelings can come and go. For some people, these feelings can last a long time, even if it has been years since treatment has ended.

Sometimes we don't know what to do with painful feelings and our instinct may be to try and ignore them or push them away. Unfortunately this doesn't always work, and Evidence shows just how important it is to seek help should you find your self struggling with these kinds of feelings. The following emotions are often felt by people who are living with cancer. Click on them to find out more. Later in CAN-EMPOWER, you can find out how to use general coping techniques or targeted coping techniques to help with these thoughts and feelings.

Anxiety

Feeling anxious or having a sense of dread is felt by many people with cancer. Cancer can make people anxious about the impact on their future, on everyday responsibilities, jobs, family and finances. People can experience particular types of anxiety, such as social anxiety, where there may be concerns about changed appearance or worrying about what people think. Anxiety can affect people differently from a general unease to health anxieties or an anxiety disorder. Common symptoms include:

  • Changes in appetite
  • Feeling sick
  • Difficulty sleeping
  • Tension in muscles
  • Tightness in chest
  • Racing heart rate
  • Diarrhoea
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Feeling irritated
  • Dry mouth
  • Shortness of breath
  • Feeling faint or dizzy
Anxiety

Fear

It is natural to feel frightened when diagnosed with cancer. Many people are scared about what will happen to them as a result of their cancer. Common fears include:

  • Fear of uncertainty
  • Fear of whether the treatment will work
  • Fear of the side-effects of treatment
  • Fear of the long-term effects of taking treatment
  • Fear of what happens when treatment ends
  • Fear the cancer will come back
  • Fear of dying
  • Fear of changes to life plans (eg work)
  • Fear of the impact of cancer on others
Fear
Some people feel guilty or ashamed for feeling afraid, but fear is a normal response to any kind of threatening experience, including cancer. Rather than giving yourself a hard time for feeling frightened, you can show yourself kindness. For example, what would you say to a loved one who was feeling fearful in this way? Learning to respond to fear with kindness can also help to put worries into perspective.

Distress

Being diagnosed with cancer can cause a range of feelings including emotional, psychological, social and spiritual distress. It is common for people to feel vulnerable as a result of their cancer. Distress is an unpleasant feeling that can affect the body, relationships, quality of life and can make it harder to cope with cancer. Feelings of stress can last as long as the treatment or may continue after cancer treatment has finished.
Distress

Shock

Many people describe a sense of shock when they are first told they have cancer. At first, it can be difficult to even think about how you are feeling. You can feel numb, making it hard to show how you feel. It can be hard to take in information that is given to you. This numbness is entirely natural and can serve as protection while you come to terms with the diagnosis.
Shock

Anger

It is normal to feel angry when you are diagnosed with cancer. Sometimes you can feel anger at your diagnosis, at your treatment or side-effects, at your Health Care Professionals for giving you what seem like complicated instructions. You can feel angry at what feels like a loss of control, or resentment and a sense of injustice that other people appear to be doing well. You may be angry at other people because you feel they are not looking after themselves or are taking their health for granted. We are more likely to feel anger when we are stressed, scared or unwell. Anger is a natural response to a perceived threat, such as having cancer.
Anger

Denial

Some people do not want to receive any information when they are diagnosed with cancer. They do not want to talk about it with other people. This response is understandable and normal. Sometimes denial works: many people can think of a time when they have been able to ignore a problem until it goes away. However, cancer can be impossible to ignore, and denial can become a problem if it gets in the way of important conversations, such as what to expect as a result of a cancer diagnosis, or understanding and making plans for cancer treatment. Sometimes, the person living with cancer wants to talk about cancer, but other people, such as partners, family or friends, do not want to talk about it, or pretend it is not happening. This can also be distressing.
Denial

Guilt

Feeling guilty or blaming oneself after being diagnosed with cancer is something many people have. People can feel guilty about:
  • doing things in their life that they think might have increased their chances
  • not seeking help or noticing symptoms sooner
  • taking time away from work because of treatment
  • being a burden to partners, family or friends and feeling you have let them down
  • their sense of role changing (e.g. not being the one others can turn to, or the one who takes care of the house or family)
  • surviving cancer when others haven’t
  • the amount of support your are receiving from your clinical team.
In reality, there are many risk factors that can result in cancer and it is your right to receive the treatment and support you need. That said, it can be difficult to stop feeling guilty.
Guilt

Loneliness

People can feel isolated when they have cancer. This feeling can occur at diagnosis, throughout treatment and even after treatment has finished. People may not feel they have the support they need from friends and family. Cancer and its treatment can force people to take time off work. Side-effects, such as fatigue, can make you stop going out. If you have come to the end of your treatment, you may miss the regular contact of your health care team. All of this can make you feel isolated and alone. Sometimes, your experience of cancer can make you feel separate from a crowd, even if you are with other people.
Loneliness

Loss of Sense of Self

It is common for someone with cancer to grieve for their loss of self, the way they live their life and their sense of identity. The financial implications of cancer may change the things you can do. You may have to change or give up work. Fatigue can stop you going out as you once did. Your plans to have children may change. There may be physical issues, such as changed body image. The time spent managing your cancer and treatment may mean it is hard to focus on other things that are important to you. You may feel that you are no longer in control of your body, your life or what is happening to you. The loss of self can cause a range of problems, including difficulties with sleeping, eating, and feeling anxious. You can find out more about these feelings here.
Loss of Self

Depression

It is normal to feel sad when diagnosed with cancer at the loss of health, control or doing the things you enjoy. However, sometimes these feelings don’t seem to go away and get in the way of your daily life. Issues associated with depression include:

  • Loss interest in things
  • Persistent thoughts of ‘What’s the point?’
  • Withdrawing from other people
  • Tearful
  • Irritable
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Sleeping more or less
  • Eating more or less
  • Persistent very low mood
  • Thinking you would be better off not being around.
Depression

If you think you might be depressed, click here.

Personal development

Not all emotions related to cancer are negative. People with cancer can find the experience of cancer and its treatment teaches them new things about themselves and helps them to become stronger. Having cancer can, for example, result in a shift in life goals or a new appreciation of life. It may create a new sense of life's purpose or spark greater creativity. You can read more about these positive experiences here.

Feeling anxious or having a sense of dread is felt by many people with cancer. Cancer can make people anxious about the impact on their future, on everyday responsibilities, jobs, family and finances. People can experience particular types of anxiety, such as social anxiety, where there may be concerns about changed appearance or worrying about what people think. Anxiety can affect people differently from a general unease to health anxieties or an anxiety disorder. Common symptoms include:
  • Changes in appetite
  • Feeling sick
  • Difficulty sleeping
  • Tension in muscles
  • Tightness in chest
  • Racing heart rate
  • Diarrhoea
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Feeling irritated
  • Dry mouth
  • Shortness of breath
  • Feeling faint or dizzy
Anxiety

It is natural to feel frightened when diagnosed with cancer. Many people are scared about what will happen to them as a result of their cancer. Common fears include:
  • Fear of uncertainty
  • Fear of whether the treatment will work
  • Fear of the side-effects of treatment
  • Fear of the long-term effects of taking treatment
  • Fear of what happens when treatment ends
  • Fear the cancer will come back
  • Fear of dying
  • Fear of changes to life plans (eg work)
  • Fear of the impact of cancer on others
Fear
Some people feel guilty or ashamed for feeling afraid, but fear is a normal response to any kind of threatening experience, including cancer. Rather than giving yourself a hard time for feeling frightened, you can show yourself kindness. For example, what would you say to a loved one who was feeling fearful in this way? Learning to respond to fear with kindness can also help to put worries into perspective.

Being diagnosed with cancer can cause a range of feelings including emotional, psychological, social and spiritual distress. It is common for people to feel vulnerable as a result of their cancer. Distress is an unpleasant feeling that can affect the body, relationships, quality of life and can make it harder to cope with cancer. Feelings of stress can last as long as the treatment or may continue after cancer treatment has finished.
Distress

Many people describe a sense of shock when they are first told they have cancer. At first, it can be difficult to even think about how you are feeling. You can feel numb, making it hard to show how you feel. It can be hard to take in information that is given to you. This numbness is entirely natural and can serve as protection while you come to terms with the diagnosis.
Shock

It is normal to feel angry when you are diagnosed with cancer. Sometimes you can feel anger at your diagnosis, at your treatment or side-effects, at your Health Care Professionals for giving you what seem like complicated instructions. You can feel angry at what feels like a loss of control, or resentment and a sense of injustice that other people appear to be doing well. You may be angry at other people because you feel they are not looking after themselves or are taking their health for granted. We are more likely to feel anger when we are stressed, scared or unwell. Anger is a natural response to a perceived threat, such as having cancer.
Anger

Some people do not want to receive any information when they are diagnosed with cancer. They do not want to talk about it with other people. This response is understandable and normal. Sometimes denial works: many people can think of a time when they have been able to ignore a problem until it goes away. However, cancer can be impossible to ignore, and denial can become a problem if it gets in the way of important conversations, such as what to expect as a result of a cancer diagnosis, or understanding and making plans for cancer treatment. Sometimes, the person living with cancer wants to talk about cancer, but other people, such as partners, family or friends, do not want to talk about it, or pretend it is not happening. This can also be distressing.
Denial

Feeling guilty or blaming oneself after being diagnosed with cancer is something many people have. People can feel guilty about:
  • doing things in their life that they think might have increased their chances
  • not seeking help or noticing symptoms sooner
  • taking time away from work because of treatment
  • being a burden to partners, family or friends and feeling you have let them down
  • their sense of role changing (e.g. not being the one others can turn to, or the one who takes care of the house or family)
  • surviving cancer when others haven’t
  • the amount of support your are receiving from your clinical team.
In reality, there are many risk factors that can result in cancer and it is your right to receive the treatment and support you need. That said, it can be difficult to stop feeling guilty.
Guilt

People can feel isolated when they have cancer. This feeling can occur at diagnosis, throughout treatment and even after treatment has finished. People may not feel they have the support they need from friends and family. Cancer and its treatment can force people to take time off work. Side-effects, such as fatigue, can make you stop going out. If you have come to the end of your treatment, you may miss the regular contact of your health care team. All of this can make you feel isolated and alone. Sometimes, your experience of cancer can make you feel separate from a crowd, even if you are with other people.
Loneliness

It is common for someone with cancer to grieve for their loss of self, the way they live their life and their sense of identity. The financial implications of cancer may change the things you can do. You may have to change or give up work. Fatigue can stop you going out as you once did. Your plans to have children may change. There may be physical issues, such as changed body image. The time spent managing your cancer and treatment may mean it is hard to focus on other things that are important to you. You may feel that you are no longer in control of your body, your life or what is happening to you. The loss of self can cause a range of problems, including difficulties with sleeping, eating, and feeling anxious. You can find out more about these feelings here.
Loss of Self

It is normal to feel sad when diagnosed with cancer at the loss of health, control or doing the things you enjoy. However, sometimes these feelings don’t seem to go away and get in the way of your daily life. Issues associated with depression include:
  • Loss interest in things
  • Persistent thoughts of ‘What’s the point?’
  • Withdrawing from other people
  • Tearful
  • Irritable
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Sleeping more or less
  • Eating more or less
  • Persistent very low mood
  • Thinking you would be better off not being around.
Depression
If you think you might be depressed, click here.

Not all emotions related to cancer are negative. People with cancer can find the experience of cancer and its treatment teaches them new things about themselves and helps them to become stronger. Having cancer can, for example, result in a shift in life goals or a new appreciation of life. It may create a new sense of life's purpose or spark greater creativity. You can read more about these positive experiences here.