Talking to children and young adults
Trying to protect children and young adults from difficult news which may cause distress and worry is a normal and common response. Choosing the right time to share difficult news can feel challenging and overwhelming. You may choose to delay telling them during a time of uncertainty and change. You may still be trying to come to terms with the news you have cancer and not feel ready to explain this to your children. But children and young people pick up on when things are not quite right and will get a sense that there is something affecting the family. Not explaining what is happening may make them feel vulnerable and they might worry, so it’s important to enable them to talk openly about any worries and feelings they have.
You may need time to cope with your own thoughts and feelings before talking to your children. If you are supported by a clinical team, you could speak to your cancer nurse specialist (CNS) beforehand. Depending on your family circumstances, you may want to talk to your child/children with another person present or, you may feel that you would like to do this on your own.
Depending on their age, it may mean finding creative ways to explain cancer to help them to understand. This might include books written with children and young people in mind or using drawings to help visualise and explain where the cancer is in your body and how it will be treated. Using visual methods creates a focus in the conversation and can be something you use to revisit any questions and help remind children about what is happening.
When speaking with children, you could:
- use simple, clear language
- use short sentences
- be open and honest
- keep information relevant to the current situation and not talk about what might happen in the future.
Be prepared to let them react in their own way. This may mean they become upset, or they just want to go and play with their toys, or if they are older children (teenagers), they may want to have some time to themselves, listen to some music or talk to their friends.
It is helpful to follow up with children and young adults once they have had time to think about the situation. They may then have some questions they would like to ask you and want to know how their day to day lives will be impacted. They may also want to talk to someone else about your cancer diagnosis, so it is important to talk about who that could be and how to contact them.
Sources of information and support that may help, include:
- https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/diagnosis/talking-about-cancer/talking-to-children-and-teenagers
- https://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/coping/mental-health-cancer/talking-children
- https://www.nhsinform.scot/illnesses-and-conditions/cancer/emotional-issues/talking-to-children-about-cancer
- https://www.parentingwithcancer.org
- https://theosbornetrust.com/support/support-for-my-children
Sites developed especially for teenagers who have a parent with cancer include: