Loss of identity
Being diagnosed with cancer can have a significant impact on people, changing working patterns, family lives, relationships with a partner, finances and the ability to do things that were once enjoyed. It is common for people to question who they are, to feel lost and feel the need to create a new identity. The image they had of themselves in terms of their body and who they are in the world may have changed as a result of their cancer.
Common reasons for losing a sense of self are:
Living a restricted life
It is common for people living with cancer to feel that the illness has taken over their life. It can feel that your entire life revolves around cancer, symptoms and treatment. It may be that it is difficult to do the things that were previously valued and enjoyed. Certain activities that were once taken for granted, such as driving, may no longer be possible.
Changed physical appearance
Our bodies are an important part of our self identity. Changes to the body that may occur due to cancer and cancer treatment, such as surgery, hair loss and weight change, can shift our sense of who we are. This can happen at any time in the cancer journey from before treatment begins, during treatment and after treatment has ended. Changing appearance can result in:
- less confidence
- anxiety about people’s reactions
- fear of meeting people
- a sense you are not the same person
- worry about sexual intimacy.
More information can be found here.
Feeling devalued
Some people living with cancer feel that their lives are devalued by their illness. They may be embarrassed by how they feel or feel that their emotional response is ignored by others. They may also devalue themselves as they cannot do the activities they want to take part in.
Feeling a burden
People may feel guilty or ashamed if they can no longer do the things they once did because of their cancer. It may not be possible to fulfil the obligations that people once felt. This can lead to a feeling of being a burden to others.
It is common for people living with cancer to feel that the illness has taken over their life. It can feel that your entire life revolves around cancer, symptoms and treatment. It may be that it is difficult to do the things that were previously valued and enjoyed. Certain activities that were once taken for granted, such as driving, may no longer be possible.
Our bodies are an important part of our self identity. Changes to the body that may occur due to cancer and cancer treatment, such as surgery, hair loss and weight change, can shift our sense of who we are. This can happen at any time in the cancer journey from before treatment begins, during treatment and after treatment has ended. Changing appearance can result in:
- less confidence
- anxiety about people’s reactions
- fear of meeting people
- a sense you are not the same person
- worry about sexual intimacy.
More information can be found here.
Some people living with cancer feel that their lives are devalued by their illness. They may be embarrassed by how they feel or feel that their emotional response is ignored by others. They may also devalue themselves as they cannot do the activities they want to take part in.
People may feel guilty or ashamed if they can no longer do the things they once did because of their cancer. It may not be possible to fulfil the obligations that people once felt. This can lead to a feeling of being a burden to others.
Mary’s story
‘It seems trivial to say this, but the loss of my hair during treatment was one of the things that worried me most. My appearance is very important to me. It’s an outward expression of who I am, and it was being taken from me. It was like I was taking on the identity of a cancer patient against my will.’
If you feel a loss of sense of self, you may find the section on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy helpful. People who have felt a changed sense of self have also found the following things helpful:
- Mindfulness as this can separate thoughts from a sense of self and allow you to tap into the self that is always there.
- Goal setting as this can help identify things you can do that you value.
- Problem solving which provides a structured way to understand and manage problems.
- Keeping a diary can make it easier to connect with your feelings.
- Joining an in-person or online community, as it can help to connect with others and share experiences.
- Challenging negative thoughts by asking:
- Is what I am thinking definitely true? What’s the evidence for and against my thoughts?
- Am I jumping to conclusions? Am I seeing the negative and forgetting the positive?
- How would someone else see my situation? What would I say to a friend in they were in a similar situation?
- What would the effect be if I were less negative and critical?
- What can I do to change my situation? Are there solutions to my problems?